if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize