Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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