I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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