I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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