am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
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