hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
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Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
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There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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