no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
