Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
