Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
