Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
