Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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