I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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