meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
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