I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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