yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
