i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
