We're like a lot better than the average bears
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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