Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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