I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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