I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
