we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
