You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
