i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
No stitches, just platelets and will power
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
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The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
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Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Oh god it's open bar.
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