How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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