I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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