There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
