Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.