I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I feel like abortions should bother me more
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
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