Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM