I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.