Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(585): View more from New York

Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick

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(585): Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick http://tfl.nu/4ktv

Replies (45) Good night (3895) Bad night (827)
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(661): View more from California

Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,

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(661): Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi, http://tfl.nu/04ch

Replies (35) Good night (1497) Bad night (2187)
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(513): View more from Ohio

some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving

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(513): some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving http://tfl.nu/s2es

Replies (12) Good night (654) Bad night (2623)
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(501): View more from Arkansas

so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....

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(501): so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened.... http://tfl.nu/g3ve

Replies (39) Good night (708) Bad night (6508)
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(301): View more from Maryland

guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye

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(301): guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye http://tfl.nu/qvf8

Replies (34) Good night (604) Bad night (4246)
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(352): View more from Florida

Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.

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(352): Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break. http://tfl.nu/4l91

Replies (11) Good night (4334) Bad night (935)
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life

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(405): so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life http://tfl.nu/i5i3

Replies (13) Good night (4354) Bad night (942)
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(718): View more from New York

at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.

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(718): at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue. http://tfl.nu/efry

Replies (15) Good night (6405) Bad night (1095)
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(925): View more from California

Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.

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(925): Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip. http://tfl.nu/xswv

Replies (4) Good night (1907) Bad night (978)
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(773): View more from Illinois

Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach

(630): View more from Illinois

Me toooooo!! Margaritas

(773): View more from Illinois

I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good

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(773): Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach (630): Me toooooo!! Margaritas (773): I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good http://tfl.nu/3y14

Replies (53) Good night (1327) Bad night (3851)
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(920): View more from Wisconsin

She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.

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(920): She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future. http://tfl.nu/bxh5

Replies (7) Good night (1527) Bad night (877)
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(469): View more from Texas

You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.

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(469): You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk. http://tfl.nu/g688

Replies (2) Good night (2403) Bad night (737)
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(909): View more from California

If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis

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(909): If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis http://tfl.nu/ldcq

Replies (2) Good night (1762) Bad night (634)
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(513): View more from Ohio

Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room

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(513): Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room http://tfl.nu/wjdc

Replies (4) Good night (1202) Bad night (462)
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(541): View more from Oregon

Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.

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(541): Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears. http://tfl.nu/9wf5

Replies (1) Good night (778) Bad night (296)

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