If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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