I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
