Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
