I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
