the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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