too bad you live with your parents still
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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