It's like God shit irony all over that family
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
