she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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