Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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