Say something about gay babies.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
did i walk over a car last night?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
