Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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