i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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