I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
