Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
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just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
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I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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