they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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