I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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