I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
