So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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