Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
