Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
