so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
