i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
