Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
