yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
