Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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