I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
