Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
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Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
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Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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