Kareoke will never be a sober sport
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I am spending my child support on dildos
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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