I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize