i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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