Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Sponge bath it is.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
