I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
There's always time for handjobs
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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