Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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