I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
