i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize