Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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